Questions for Moms and Dads on Mother’s Day

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3 years ago

Derrick Morgan @ddmorganindc

Derrick Morgan is executive vice president at The Heritage Foundation. Read his full bio.

Many Americans could affirm what Abraham Lincoln is supposed to have said: “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

Unfortunately, moms and dads increasingly deemphasize marriage and parenting, instead choosing to focus on paid work. This Mother’s Day, we should reject the culture and affirm the importance of motherhood itself.

The starkest evidence of deemphasis comes in the form of a survey of parents by Pew Research Center. Respondents were asked whether specific goals for their children—financial independence, jobs or careers they enjoy, a college degree, marriage, and children—were extremely important, very important, somewhat important, not too important, or not at all important.

Fully 88% said financial independence and careers they enjoy are in the top two categories, while only about 20% said marriage and children are in the top two categories. Almost 46% of parents said that marriage and children aren’t too important or are not at all important.

Children seem to be picking up on these priorities. Many are delaying marriage, or they never get married. According to the Census Bureau, the median age of marriage has gone from 20 to 28 for women and 23 to 30 for men in just a few generations.

As of 2021, a record high 25% of 40-year-olds never had been married, up from just 6% in 1980. The reasons are complex, but undoubtedly our culture’s emphasis of work over family is part of the picture.

This is counterproductive. Paid work is important, no doubt, but such a lopsided emphasis on work over family will lead to malformed children. As Scripture, the ancients, and modern social science all attest, four things basically make us happy: community or friends, purpose or vocation (which is wider than paid work), faith, and family.

Valuing career to the detriment of the other categories is a recipe for disappointment. An earlier Pew poll seems to bear this out since adult Americans, asked about what provides them a sense of meeting, chose family 2-to-1 over career (69% to 34%).

For conservatives, extolling career over family is a downright disaster. The overemphasis on work doesn’t just produce malformation and destruction in personal lives. It also weakens America by producing birth rates that are too low to maintain the population, affecting everything from the economy to the military.

Of course, conservatives also push back on marriage as self-fulfillment, harkening back to a more sturdy and time-tested definition of marriage reflected in the traditional vows that emphasize duty rather than self-fulfillment. Such marriages seem to be the sturdiest and happiest.

So, what can moms and dads do to turn this around?

In your own family, make sure you celebrate motherhood this Sunday on Mother’s Day. We are only alive because of our moms’ sacrificial and heroic birth experiences.

Do you put as much emphasis on finding a good mate—and what to look for—as you do on what college you want your child to attend or what career they will pursue?

Parents, achievement at school or sports is great, but make sure you also extoll the deep meaning you get from having a family of your own. After all, if 70% of adults say they get most meaning from their families, why are only 20% of parents saying that it’s the most important goal for their children?

If you think you have the right mix in communicating what’s important, try asking your children what they think you think is the most important goal. You might be surprised by the answer.